This story is nice because it reminds the audience how a person's situation may look different from another person's perspective.
I've seen and heard terrible parents who are unfit to even raise a single child. It is really sad that the parents are not aware that they suck at raising children. In fact, they can't even raise themselves. The worst part is that the child/ren would be unaware how terrible their condition is/are. It gets worse. The social circle of these parents sometimes are unaware of how bad things truly are even if they know what is going on.
However, through the author's experience; it seems that in a strange way Lyric is gifted with having the ability to realize different perspectives, which is something that some people can't seem to do.
It's odd that you describe her as 'gifted with the ability to realize' when to my reading it is pretty clearly an example of an excellent counsellor deliberately guiding her to this realization, not some innate ability that other people must be lacking.
> However, through the author's experience; it seems that in a strange way Lyric is gifted with having the ability to realize different perspectives, which is something that some people can't seem to do.
It's a skill that can be cultivated and trained. Some people need it in order to survive their life situation, others can afford to neglect it.
I dated a girl in high school who was adopted as a baby from a Russian orphanage by an American family. She explained some difficulties with adjusting with non-biological parents: the adoptee cannot help but feel like an impostor.
Adopted as babies, I suppose in some ways it’s easier to transition into a new family. Babies typically do not remember much about their biological parents at such young ages.
A theme in her life was to meet and reconnect with her biological parents. After playing “private eye,” she was able to track down her biological mother and her now half-sister. She and her biological parents keep in touch, but the true heroes here are the adopting parents (like the Esparzas). Without them, who knows what would have happened.
One should of course keep in mind that stories like that give a very biased view of the life of adopted children. The stories are invariably about adopted children wanting to find their "real" parents, because that's the only way to turn beign an adopted child into a story. You never hear about the ones that just live their life like anyone else, never giving much thought to who gave birth to them. I imagine the latter group is the majority.
Anyone here on the other side of this? I mean has anyone here adopted a nearly adult minor? I wonder about that experience and if anyone here could share.
This was our second adoption. The first was for an infant. We planned for another infant adoption for #2, but several things conspired to change that.
The first of those was that the political winds in country of child #1 had changed such that the adoption programs in that country were practically at a stand-still. So we looked around. I believe that Ethiopia was the only other place we could adopt from due to our age/income/etc.
For our first adoption, we were given a referral. Basically, this is your child, take it or leave it. For our second adoption, we were given a video of all the children in the orphanage...oldest first. We were told that the orphanage would only house children up to age 12. And we learned that the prospects for children who had "aged out" were not very good.
So we decided to adopt one of these older children. And since we had clearly lost our minds, we called the adoption program director and asked her for advice. She said that she always gives people the same advice: "If you can possibly adopt two children at once, do it". We were obviously completely out of our minds, because we took her advice.
Of course it was very challenging at times, especially at first, for both us and them. But I am so glad we took that advice. The feeling of isolation that children in these situations have to face...it's probably the hardest part for them. And it makes sense to me that in any situation, no matter how hard, it's much easier when there is someone in your same situation you can talk to about it.
We are in contact with many other families who have adopted older children. It seems obvious to us that our girls have dealt with those challenges better than most.
There is a documentary that aired on PBS, "Girl, Adopted" about a girl adopted from the same orphanage as our girls at around the same time. I could definitely identify with a lot of what is depicted in that program, but...I think it was just a bit harder for Weynsht and her family than it was for us. Alas, it isn't free ($10 for streaming/download): http://www.girladopted.com/
Below is most insightful part of your post below ( in case anyone happens upon this post but skims through without reading).
> "If you can possibly adopt two children at once, do it"... Of course it was very challenging at times, especially at first, for both us and them. But I am so glad we took that advice. The feeling of isolation that children in these situations have to face...it's probably the hardest part for them. And it makes sense to me that in any situation, no matter how hard, it's much easier when there is someone in your same situation you can talk to about it.
I'm a foster parent and know several people that have; in addition a friend's fiance was just adopted at 20 years old. In nearly all of these cases there was a preexisting relationship for a few years first. Most kids who have been abused or neglected are slow to trust, but I do know one family who adopted a 17 year old who had been in foster care for 6 years and wanted a permanent family to come home to from college.
Right now, some friends who have been fostering a boy since he was 10, are now in the state that he can be adopted legally, but he feels like it would be a betrayal to his roots.
> I do know one family who adopted a 17 year old who had been in foster care for 6 years and wanted a permanent family to come home to from college.
It's interesting how people can have totally different needs and dreams depending on their upbringing / life history. 17-20 is about the age when people I know (myself included) try to separate themselves from their families, to assert themselves as individuals and protagonists of their life stories. The last thing I cared about at that age was "a permanent family to come home to from college".
Similarly in the article how the author was touched by being grounded; most healthy 17 year olds take it for granted that when they leav,e they have a home to go to, and that their parents want them to be safe. The majority of foster youth do not.
FWIW adopting babies or small children is also not a trivial undertaking. Having adopted two toddlers (biological siblings) 5 years ago, we are still dealing (the kids and us parents) with questions of identity and security. As an adoptive parent you need to develop a certain sensitivity to this aspect of your kids' life. We try to be as open as possible with them regarding their origins, while at the same time letting them know they'll always belong to us and to the extended family. It's been quite challenging at times, but I guess all parents have these moments.
I think this can't be underscored enough. We've got some close family friends who have been through several adoptions ranging from infants to early teenagers, and its been a range of experiences from wonderful to gut-wrenching. Different environments for the same child can have wildly different outcomes based on their ability to attach, formative experiences, etc.
That said, all of this is also true for biological parents. I think parenthood is a rollercoaster no matter what path you take to becoming one.
This is a really touching story ... there are so many hurting children out there and you can help even if you can't practically effect an adoption. Find a place to help broken kids.
In our case, we adopted our daughter at 11 months and the adoption agency had arranged a loving foster home for her while the paperwork was done. I can't imagine our home without her, but I also wish we'd been able to help more kids.
It sounds like he's older. It's sad but there's a very good chance he's an adult making the same mistakes as his parents did. I hope he's not, but I know it can be nearly impossible to break out of that cycle on your own.
She was lucky to be young enough to foster and adopt, have an unusual amount of self awareness and someone in her life that would step in to act as the foundation and example for her life as an adult. Missing even one of those and who knows how it would have turned out for her.
I've seen and heard terrible parents who are unfit to even raise a single child. It is really sad that the parents are not aware that they suck at raising children. In fact, they can't even raise themselves. The worst part is that the child/ren would be unaware how terrible their condition is/are. It gets worse. The social circle of these parents sometimes are unaware of how bad things truly are even if they know what is going on.
However, through the author's experience; it seems that in a strange way Lyric is gifted with having the ability to realize different perspectives, which is something that some people can't seem to do.